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Blog
Transformers- Chicago-Style!
Thursday, July 29th, 2010 by Svengoolie
The “Transformers III” filming continues here in our city, with many spectators enjoying getting the chance to watch actual movie magic right here at home! The production will be here through the end of August, and I’m sure there will be more chances to witness some of the false mayhem they are strewing the streets with, as well as some more explosions and glimpses of favorites like Shia LeBouf and the Victoria’s Secret Megan Fox Replacement.
But- as long as they’re here- why not give the film a real Chicago flavor? You know what I mean- involve local celebs, and make this a movie steeped in Chicago lore. As usual, I have a few suggestions that might make for a big box office hit.
We start out with- who else?- Oprah! Still grousing about how Chicago never showed her the respect she deserved, she prepares to depart our fair city- but wait! Not for Los Angeles- but for — HER HOME PLANET! On her final broadcast, she looks directly into the camera, and utters a phrase that will activate her sleeper drones- “YOU get a car! And YOU get a Car! And YOU get a car!” This phrase, broadcast throughout the Chicago area, activates all those cars she “generously” gave out years ago- they are actually decepticons! They morph into mechanical Oprah-bots, and begin to destroy anything in their vicinity!( Of course, like her magazine, each one of them has Oprah’s picture plastered onto it…)
Have no fear- for the side of good has its own champions- a seemingly innocent L train suddenly rears up like a snake and transforms into the battle-ready Transformer- known as “L-Raiser!” It heads towards the Harpo Studios in search of the Oprah-bots fiendish leader. Something tells me he will NOT be one of Oprah’s favorite things… he stops along the way at our nearby studios, to pick up myself and …wait! Tombstone!? He reveals he too is a sleeper- but on the Transformers’ side- as he morphs from a plastic skull into a bone-colored Volkswagen into a massive Mecha- Tombstone, with lasers flashing from his eyes!
Meanwhile, Wrigley Field has become an ivy-covered battle bowl, as Oprah-bots face off against a foe that has been hidden at WGN’s studios for years- the old Bozomobile, used for public appearances, morphs into a giant Boz-bot- equipped with 6 buckets that each contain a different nasty substance that can aid in destroying the Oprah-bots.(No, one of them doesn’t contain dropping ratings…) Meanwhile, at Millennium Park, the Cloudgate sculpture- better known as “the Bean” — begins to hum, levitates, and transforms into a chromium Transformer that flies across the city, and acts like a battering ram as it hits the Oprah-bots! Not to be outdone, the Picasso at Daley Center morphs into a strange winged afghan hound-looking robot, and picks up the Claus Oldenburg baseball bat sculpture- which it uses, like Al Capone in “The Untouchables” to bash some Oprah-bots brain- centers in.
A massive battle culminates at Navy Pier- as the Ferris Wheel is plucked from its moorings by an Oprah-bot and flung like a Frisbee- only to be blasted from the sky just before it hits the Willis Tower by Mecha-Tombstone! Realizing she can’t win, Oprah orders her decepticons to ferry her back to her home planet…but- for how long?
To wind things up, the heroine in the film, the Victoria’s Secret woman, shyly admits that she has always had a thing for…rubber chickens! As Sven blushes and is about to speak to her, she flounces past him into the arms (or is it wings?) of…Kerwyn, the Pre-Historic Chicken!!! Sven shrugs, and all celebrate the victory of Chicago and its Transformers- but, as the credits roll, we see a TV screen spark to life, presenting- the Oprah Channel! What fiendish plot will be beamed from that? We’ll find out in “Transformers 4-You Thought Dr. Phil Was Revenge Enough?”
Thursday, July 29th, 2010 by Svengoolie
The “Transformers III” filming continues here in our city, with many spectators enjoying getting the chance to watch actual movie magic right here at home! The production will be here through the end of August, and I’m sure there will be more chances to witness some of the false mayhem they are strewing the streets with, as well as some more explosions and glimpses of favorites like Shia LeBouf and the Victoria’s Secret Megan Fox Replacement.
But- as long as they’re here- why not give the film a real Chicago flavor? You know what I mean- involve local celebs, and make this a movie steeped in Chicago lore. As usual, I have a few suggestions that might make for a big box office hit.
We start out with- who else?- Oprah! Still grousing about how Chicago never showed her the respect she deserved, she prepares to depart our fair city- but wait! Not for Los Angeles- but for — HER HOME PLANET! On her final broadcast, she looks directly into the camera, and utters a phrase that will activate her sleeper drones- “YOU get a car! And YOU get a Car! And YOU get a car!” This phrase, broadcast throughout the Chicago area, activates all those cars she “generously” gave out years ago- they are actually decepticons! They morph into mechanical Oprah-bots, and begin to destroy anything in their vicinity!( Of course, like her magazine, each one of them has Oprah’s picture plastered onto it…)
Have no fear- for the side of good has its own champions- a seemingly innocent L train suddenly rears up like a snake and transforms into the battle-ready Transformer- known as “L-Raiser!” It heads towards the Harpo Studios in search of the Oprah-bots fiendish leader. Something tells me he will NOT be one of Oprah’s favorite things… he stops along the way at our nearby studios, to pick up myself and …wait! Tombstone!? He reveals he too is a sleeper- but on the Transformers’ side- as he morphs from a plastic skull into a bone-colored Volkswagen into a massive Mecha- Tombstone, with lasers flashing from his eyes!
Meanwhile, Wrigley Field has become an ivy-covered battle bowl, as Oprah-bots face off against a foe that has been hidden at WGN’s studios for years- the old Bozomobile, used for public appearances, morphs into a giant Boz-bot- equipped with 6 buckets that each contain a different nasty substance that can aid in destroying the Oprah-bots.(No, one of them doesn’t contain dropping ratings…) Meanwhile, at Millennium Park, the Cloudgate sculpture- better known as “the Bean” — begins to hum, levitates, and transforms into a chromium Transformer that flies across the city, and acts like a battering ram as it hits the Oprah-bots! Not to be outdone, the Picasso at Daley Center morphs into a strange winged afghan hound-looking robot, and picks up the Claus Oldenburg baseball bat sculpture- which it uses, like Al Capone in “The Untouchables” to bash some Oprah-bots brain- centers in.
A massive battle culminates at Navy Pier- as the Ferris Wheel is plucked from its moorings by an Oprah-bot and flung like a Frisbee- only to be blasted from the sky just before it hits the Willis Tower by Mecha-Tombstone! Realizing she can’t win, Oprah orders her decepticons to ferry her back to her home planet…but- for how long?
To wind things up, the heroine in the film, the Victoria’s Secret woman, shyly admits that she has always had a thing for…rubber chickens! As Sven blushes and is about to speak to her, she flounces past him into the arms (or is it wings?) of…Kerwyn, the Pre-Historic Chicken!!! Sven shrugs, and all celebrate the victory of Chicago and its Transformers- but, as the credits roll, we see a TV screen spark to life, presenting- the Oprah Channel! What fiendish plot will be beamed from that? We’ll find out in “Transformers 4-You Thought Dr. Phil Was Revenge Enough?”
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