May 22-Watching the Commercials…and Getting Angry

I know those of us who work in the business might watch the commercials with a little more of a critical eye than some viewers- especially those of us who have had tom MAKE commercials as part of their livelihood- ands there are some that just drive me towards pulling an Elvis and shooting out the TV tube (that is, if I had a gun, and if I could afford a NEW set-which would be digital, so I wouldn’t need any of those government coupons for a digital converter box- and are you sick of THOSE commercials yet?)
A prime offender is that cable commercial (and, believe me, cable and dish commercials are usually prime offenders) where a caveman (who somehow avoided working for Geico during their Neanderthal-centric period) is about to pound some sort of prehistoric saber-toothed ground hog with his trusty club- when the foul little creature articulates, in what is supposed to be a cute voice “I…love…you!” At that point, Cave Boy is stunned and frozen in his tracks. “Tough to beat!” says the unctuous announcer. Oh, yeah? Hand ME the club, pal…
Now, let’s turn our sights to the north- specifically, to a certain amusement park that has been known to bring Mr. Goolie up for a visit now and then. You might remember a former spokesman for the theme park- a bizarre, skinny bald, spectacled old weirdo called “Mr. Six” who would pop and lock to that “get on the Bus” tune that gets stuck in your cranium and refuses to go away. Well eventually, Mr. Six went away, after research seemed to indicate that, during the time of his presence, park attendance actually went down. Well, this year, he has a replacement- an Asian gentleman who seems to be “rating” various activities with a number of flags-a hapless sap in his La-Z-Boy tries to adjust his recliner, spilling his mammoth bowl of popcorn all over creation- up pops the head of Asian Man, shrieking “One Flag!” Then, we see a ride at the park, and he cries “Six Flags! More Flags! More Fun!” in almost the same volume as Seinfeld’s “Soup Nazi” bellowed, “No soup for you!” Maybe our Asian friend should stick with the decaf…although, with the Olympics coming up, it’d be a fine idea to have HIM as an event judge- when he did his judge’s report, half the participants would probably be frightened away from the stadium!
And- need I even bring up the spotlight-seeking Smythe Brothers- and their latest “hey, look at US!” commercial in which they all seem to think they’re Sarah Jessica Parker?
I thought not…