1/17/2008
Have you ever watched a really dumb horror flick and said to yourself (or, anyone nearby who would listen) “hey, I could write a better movie than that”? Well, seems to me that we could take just about any subject and turn it into a cheesy horror flick- unless someone else has already beat us to it!
You want an example? Okay- let’s take the recent non-smoking law that went into effect in Chicago. We open on a grumbling old school reporter who walks into his favorite watering hole after a tough day at the office. He sits down at a bar stool, loosens his cheap tie (which doesn’t match his cheap sports jacket) and is about to light up a cigarette when Shirley, the wise-cracking bartender, reaches out and grabs his lighter away from him. “Sorry, pal” she says “no more smoking in here!” “Since when?” he bellows. “Since January 1st, when the law went into effect!” she smiles as she hands back the lighter. “Go fight City Hall!” “Indeed I will!” he says, storming out. Okay, to make a long story short- he does check out City Hall. With the help of one of his inside sources, he finds out that the Mayor wasn’t the one pushing the ordinance to ban smoking- it was an alderman who has only been around recently. He soon learns that the alderman is an alien, whose fellow aliens are infiltrating the Chicago area- and are intent on taking over the city- except that they find the fumes from cigarettes even more toxic than humans do! The reporter winds up at a rally chock full of the aliens (who are disguised to look like “normal” Chicagoans- uh- is there such a thing?) and brings along a cadre of smokers- who head leads in a lethal “smoke-in” to wipe out the invaders! “Light up and live!” he cries, as the aliens are overcome, and revert to their hideous alien countenances- all being broadcast live over local TV! Chicago is saved, and, in the final scene, the mayor pardons the fines of the reporter and his pals- but just this once!
See? It’s simple- yet it turns the subject into a horror film! I could have used the tax on bottled water (people stop buying water in the city, and go back to drinking tap water- which the aliens have added a mind control drug to) or even the Oprah Show (Oprah is actually an alien, broadcasting mind-controlling commands to the loyal slave who watch her show every day and…wait- that’s a little too close to reality…) see how simple it is? By the way, all plots here-in are copyrighted property of Svengoolie, and cannot be borrowed, adapted or stolen without paying me big money.
You want an example? Okay- let’s take the recent non-smoking law that went into effect in Chicago. We open on a grumbling old school reporter who walks into his favorite watering hole after a tough day at the office. He sits down at a bar stool, loosens his cheap tie (which doesn’t match his cheap sports jacket) and is about to light up a cigarette when Shirley, the wise-cracking bartender, reaches out and grabs his lighter away from him. “Sorry, pal” she says “no more smoking in here!” “Since when?” he bellows. “Since January 1st, when the law went into effect!” she smiles as she hands back the lighter. “Go fight City Hall!” “Indeed I will!” he says, storming out. Okay, to make a long story short- he does check out City Hall. With the help of one of his inside sources, he finds out that the Mayor wasn’t the one pushing the ordinance to ban smoking- it was an alderman who has only been around recently. He soon learns that the alderman is an alien, whose fellow aliens are infiltrating the Chicago area- and are intent on taking over the city- except that they find the fumes from cigarettes even more toxic than humans do! The reporter winds up at a rally chock full of the aliens (who are disguised to look like “normal” Chicagoans- uh- is there such a thing?) and brings along a cadre of smokers- who head leads in a lethal “smoke-in” to wipe out the invaders! “Light up and live!” he cries, as the aliens are overcome, and revert to their hideous alien countenances- all being broadcast live over local TV! Chicago is saved, and, in the final scene, the mayor pardons the fines of the reporter and his pals- but just this once!
See? It’s simple- yet it turns the subject into a horror film! I could have used the tax on bottled water (people stop buying water in the city, and go back to drinking tap water- which the aliens have added a mind control drug to) or even the Oprah Show (Oprah is actually an alien, broadcasting mind-controlling commands to the loyal slave who watch her show every day and…wait- that’s a little too close to reality…) see how simple it is? By the way, all plots here-in are copyrighted property of Svengoolie, and cannot be borrowed, adapted or stolen without paying me big money.
0 TrackBacks
Listed below are links to blogs that reference this entry: 1/17/2008.
TrackBack URL for this entry: http://www.wciu.com/blogs/mt-tb.cgi/28
Leave a comment