4/16/2007

A friend of mine show me a picture of herself when she used to work at that Renaissance fair up over the border in Wisconsin, and that reminded me of a few visits I had to “ye olde stomping grounds” of yore. The last time I was up there was during my run at Fox doing the daytime kids “Koz Zone.” Someone in the sales department thought it’d be a great idea for me to be up there to sign autographs one day. And, indeed it might have been- if they’d let anyone know I was going to be there. I made the drive up to Bristol, Wisconsin (did you know the kids in Bristol are sharp as a pistol, when they do the Bristol Stomp? Neither does anyone else born after 1989…)-and spent some time in the ticket booth complex with some really nice folks who worked there…and waited. Eventually, someone decided that they could station me out in the fair area, far out behind a refreshment stand. I don’t think there was any indication anywhere that a) I was there and b) where I could be found. Occasionally, someone would wander by and get an autograph, or, more likely, ask me for directions to some attraction or location that I had no clue where it might lie. I could’ve made a fortune selling fried dough or turkey legs, though. After an hour and a half, I was finally released, having signed more autographs for the people working there than for the visitors. A much more successful visit took place in the “Son of Svengoolie” days, when it was still “King Richard’s faire” and we actually shot a whole show there, with Sven prominently featured through-out the day. I was a participant in a lot of things I should’ve been smarter than to undertake- including having two guys throwing knives back and forth past me, or holding a pretzel stick out for a whip-wielding comedian to snap off. I also performed a song and dance with some singing executioners, and met one of those wacky beggars who will eat mud (some guys will do anything to be in show biz!) On the plus size, I was part of a skit involving pirates (no, I didn’t have to wear the “Seinfeld” puffy shirt) that wound up with me winning my freedom by giving a kiss to a fiery-haired pirate queen! On the minus side, I was riding an elephant in the big parade through the fairgrounds, when some jackass who worked at the fair (and obviously knew what the results of his actions would be) ran up and handed the elephant a little “treat” –one of the dill pickles usually sold on a stick at the fair. The elephant took one taste of the pickle, and immediately used its trunk to fling it over its back- right at the poor sap riding on it- that being yours truly! So, I had slobbered pickle all over my costume for the rest of the day. Actually, I just realized that I bought the hat I’ve been wearing for the past several years right at that fair that day! (No pickle included.) It was a lot of fun to take part in the festivities that day- even if I did mislead some knights to think that the Holy Grail they were searching for was in the shape of a rubber chicken…