2/14/2007

Happy Valentine’s Day to each and every one of you…can you see me, back in grade school, making a shoebox into a coffin-shaped Valentine box? The symbol of Valentine’s Day is, of course, the heart- and, how many hearts have shown up in horror movies? Remember the original British “Tales from the Crypt” movie of the early 70s, that had a story where, after being driven to suicide by some nasty valentines- Peter Cushing gets revenge from beyond the grave, and sends a “valentine” to someone’s father- and inside is his nasty son’s beating heart? What about Edgar Allan Poe’s “Telltale Heart” (that still sounds like a country-western song title to me…)or, a movie called “My Bloody Valentine?” Some miners in the town of Valentine Bluffs die in a mine explosion, due to stupidity by their supervisors- and one of the survivors goes mental and kills the two bad bosses. He’s sent to a mental institution, and , 20 years later, when the town is about to hold its first Valentine’s Day dance- someone starts sending people human hearts in candy boxes. Would THAT make a great Sven movie or what? Never seen it offered by a distributor yet, though… Another valentine-linked film which I’ve never seen is “Hospital Massacre”-aka ‘Be My Valentine, or Else”- it’s main claim to fame is the starring role of Hugh Hefner’s long-ago Valentine, Barbi Benton. From the description I read, we get to see (ahem) items other than her heart…I actually almost met her once- we were in the same place, the old Hyatt O’Hare, Where she was appearing at the Blue Max showroom(yes, she thought she was a singer), and had dropped in at a charity event for Easter Seals in which I was…uh…dressed in a seal costume. I believe that may settle the question of why she never became MY valentine… Hearts certainly appear in all sorts of various horror movies (sometimes involuntarily, being ripped out of victims) many times in movies involving restoration of life to the deceased- our old Sven classic “Dr. Blood’s Coffin” had the good doctor pulling hearts out of his victims to transplant into other subjects. And, many a vampire movie includes a wooden stake being driven into the heart of an offending blood-sucker. Today would be a perfect day to stroll through the giant-sized human heart at Chicago’s Museum of Science and Industry… wouldn’t that be a romantic event for your loved one? Just imagine, walking through the aorta, hugging your valentine in a ventricle…now, there’s a marketing idea they should take advantage of…hey, no reason YOU can’t use the idea! You have my blessing. May Cupid shoot his arrow into your heart while you’re there- rather than a torpedo from the U-505 submarine that’s also in the museum. Happy Valentine’s Day!!!