December 2006 Archives

2006 is suddenly becoming “last year.” Wow. Seems like it was just a short while ago that we were doing “Fling in the New Year”- with a giant cream pie being launched off the Millennium Park “Bean” sculpture at the stroke of midnight. No Stooges marathon this year, though…believe me, I’ve been involved in a lot of New Year’s Eve and day tv programming, so missing this year won’t hurt me. I remember being part of a channel 7 show-“New Year’s Under Glass”- broadcast from the Hyatt downtown. I sat at the same table as Joel Daly! Rob Weller was the host, and it was pretty cool- at midnight, we looked up through the glass ceiling and watched the fireworks! I always remember some drunk woman spotting me in my Sven finery and shouting “Look! It’s Alice Cooper!” (have another drink, lady…) My time at Fox always had me involved in their New Year’s Eve live show, as I’ve mentioned before. I remember taping a bit in a bar not far from the live stage set-up by the Rock and Roll MacDonald’s…and, when we were done, one of the “patrons” suddenly grabbed the tape and took off with it down the street. The cameraman tackled him, and the guy tried to smash the tape, but was unsuccessful, muttering something about how there might be somebody on the tape who shouldn’t be seen in the bar (I’m guessing it was him!) We still ran the taped segment. The Fox shows, usually dubbed “Radio’s Top Videos” and including cameos by local deejays, were co-hosted by WJMK deejay and Fox entertainment reporter Amy Scott, who still shows up on some of the VH1 cable channels. One year, we also introduced a full day of “I Love Lucy” on the station. My final New Year’s at Fox, nobody even mentioned my involvement in the New Year’s show, and, when I asked about it, one of the management types spluttered “B-but- I thought we agreed that we’d give you the night off this year.” Really? I never remembered the conversation. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they were going to fire me – again- within a couple weeks! But- the good news is- that’s how I eventually came to “the U!” We’ve done our share of New Year’s Eve and day special stuff- I told you about the Mort Downey/Munsters kick-off- we’ve done “Happy Birthday to U” shows, since the station debuted on New Year’s day- and even “Screamed in the New Year” with Sven! I’ve done some radio stuff as well- with our friends Steve and Johnnie at WGN, sitting in the showcase studio on Michigan Avenue with crowds forming outside on the street. Sometimes, it’s a welcome break to not have to be working, though, and to just kick back and watch the calendar change. And so it does- bringing us into a new year that, for the Sven program, will bring more of the Universal classics back to local television. Who knows what else 2007 will bring- other than accidentally writing 2006 on checks for the next couple weeks!? I certainly wish you a healthy, happy, successful New Year-and hope you’ll be dropping by , via your tv set, to see what I’ll be doing. Thanks for your continued support- and I’ll have a new blog the second day of the New Year!

Since you’re revving up for New Year’s Eve tomorrow night, are you staying in tonight? Then, why not join me for the usual Sven fun at 9 pm? We’ve got an encore performance for you of one of our Bud and Lou fright films- “Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer-Boris Karloff!” You get “King Karloff” (as Forrest Ackerman’s “Famous Monsters” magazine always called him) as one of the leading suspects in some mysterious murders at a hotel- where bellboy Costello is first suspected of murdering a visiting lawyer! Along the way, there are plenty of dead bodies piling up- as I’ve said before, possibly the highest body count in an Abbott and Costello “comedy!”- and, Karloff, as a nasty swami, even tries to hypnotize Lou into killing himself! (How the very Anglo-looking Karloff became a “swami” never really gets explained.) I really like the conclusion of the film, in a dangerous underground cavern, with an amazing set- some semi-amazing effects- and some truly creepy moments! Lenore Aubert, the sultry woman who plays the shady temptress in this film is the same actress who plays “Dr. Mornay” in “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein” (before you ask- yes, we will have it- next fall!) Some other notable actors in this as well- and we’ll tell you about them tonight. Do you remember the Abbott and Costello cartoons? Very similar to the lame Laurel and Hardy and Three Stooges cartoons- they were cheaply animated versions of Bud and Lou. Since Bud was still around, and in need of money, he agreed to do the voice of his character himself. Lou was voiced by a guy named Stan Irwin, with very little else on his resume that I could find. The cartoons were done by Hanna Barbera, so that gave them a little quality. I’m sure you heard that the remaining half of the duo- Joe Barbera- passed away recently. When I was growing up, their tv cartoons were just premiering, and became big favorites of mine, just like the Warner Brothers cartoons. The most impressive thing about their cartoons, even though they were limited animation, was they knew the importance of clever writing and good vice characterization. I remember when the Florida Universal Studios park opened, we were down there to shoot “Koz Zone” shows , and Hanna and Barbera were there, but I was taping, and unfortunately didn’t get to meet them. Speaking of Warner Brothers, you probably remember a few cartoons they made – back when Abbott and Costello were still making movies in which the duo was depicted as either cats or mice! I wouldn’t be surprised if some kids first knowledge of their characters came from those cartoons! Just as our showing these movies is actually some people’s first exposure to the team. I’ve heard from many parents who are so happy not only to see these “scare comedies” again, but also to give their children the chance to become familiar with them! So- get familiar with them- and me- again tonight at 9 pm (in Milwaukee and South Bend- check your local listings!) I’ll be back tomorrow to say goodbye to 2006- and hello to 2007!

Cleaning up loose ends as the year draws to a close- and that includes hitting a little more of your feedback! We’ve gotten an awful lot of mail and e-mail this year, thanks to you constant viewers, and we do appreciate it all- I’ve often said, in radio, you get much more immediate feedback, thanks to phone calls while you’re on the air- but television has improved a lot thanks to e-mail. We can hear what you think , and respond to it, a lot faster and easier. So, for the last time this year- let’s share some of the most asked questions of the year now! One thing I should address that we get a lot -is the requesting of movies-yes, feel free to ask about titles you’d like to see! Although we can’t get many of them- other stations or cable nets have them, broadcast rights aren’t offered, etc.- there are times when we can try to get certain films. However- please don’t write and ask us to show a certain movie on a certain day. This is one way that we are definitely NOT like radio- we are not playing down your requests. Our schedules are usually set up quite a bit in advance, and we can’t do the “you say it, we’ll play it” bit. I’ve gotten e-mails and letters on a Wednesday demanding that I play a certain movie the next Saturday. Not gonna happen, kids. Some of you have been requesting movies we’ve done before, but right now, with our “strictly Universal” schedule, all we’ll be running are the movies provided by them, on their schedule (I know I say that a lot, but it’s the explanation as to why we do reruns of some movies, and why we haven’t gotten to the bigger films yet- we’re going by THEIR schedule- so, please be patient!) Another question we get a lot- “can I take a tour of your studios? Can I come watch the show? Can I throw chickens?” Much as we’d love to have Sven fans in, right now that’s not possible- we don’t do tours, and our studio is currently not set up for an audience. I’ve been telling the powers that be that we should try to do a studio audience show JUST ONCE- and I’ll keep asking them to do so. When we do, most likely we’ll have to do a lottery to choose the audience members, since we’d get so many requests. It would definitely be a fun time, though… We always get asked about Sven dvds. Right now, nothing is planned, but we are talking about it. There are also no cds of our songs, but it’s something else that’s been discussed…we’ll let you know if anything concrete is set up. No, there’s no Sven-brand concrete available either… “Why didn’t you read my letter? Why didn’t you show my picture?” Please! It’s not that we don’t love you, or that we don’t appreciate you! You have to understand- we get a LOT of mail and e-mail every week. Lots of drawings and photos as well. We only have limited time for our mail segments, so everything can’t possibly get on the show. I’ve also had people ask “why don’t you do real long mail segments like you used to- don’t people send anything anymore?” As I just said, we get lots of stuff, but, several things cut back on our mail time- more commercials on our station (that’s a good thing!-for us, anyway) the length of the movies, etc.-and, the fact that e-mail does get responded to via e-mail! We always try to show things as soon as we can, if we can- but everything can’t make it to air. Also, we can’t just mention your name on the air-so many people request that, and, quite honestly, it wouldn’t be very entertaining to hear me read a long list of names- if you want to hear your name on the air- send me a unique letter or drawing- that puts the odds of it ending up on air more in your favor! Just remember- I personally read and see everything you send, whether it hits the air or not! So, there you go- the answers to some of the FAQ of this year. Keep the new questions coming, as well! Contact me at svengoolie@wciu.com …your letters, drawings, photos, and e-mails keep this a unique two-way street!(Just think of me as a major pothole

We’re coming up on a very important date- not just the beginning of 2007- but the anniversary of WCIU becoming “the U!” It’s amazing to think that we’ve been “the U” since January 1st,1995 (actually, a little before that, since we aired a “sneak preview” of various shows from the station –hosted by yours truly-late on New Year’s Eve, the night before! As I most likely have mentioned before, the very first day on the air we did a “Munsterthon”- episode after episode of “the Munsters”- hosted by Svengoolie and – Morton Downey Jr! Yes, tv’s beloved bad boy talk show host was ready to launch a new talk show that would be shot here in Chicago, and would be on “the U”-and we were the co-hosts for the first inaugural day on the air! I wrote a bunch of segments, with trivia and plugs for the shows that would be airing on the station- and finally the big day came to tape the marathon. At that time, we were all set up in the studio at the Board of Trade, the original home of WCIU. (That studio was also the birthplace of Don Cornelius’ “Soul Train!”) Well, the train must’ve been running slow that day, because- taping time arrived and- no Mort. About an hour passed, and , finally, in walked Mort with his assistant or “handler” or whatever. We got into place, finally managed to shoot the opening segment- and then Mort said “okay, let’s take a break…” A break?! We just got started! We had a TON of segments to shoot- the marathon was going to last all day long- we had a lot to do! Mort explained that he had ordered some beef sandwiches for he and his pal, and they had to eat them before we continued. So, Mort and associate dined while the crew stood around for about another 45 minutes. We got back into shooting then, and actually, it was fun- Mort was easy to work with, and I think it was fun to watch. Mort did, however, have to take a smoke break after every few segments. We finally finished up, and then Mort went to record some promos for his upcoming show. I hope the tape is still here somewhere, because Mort refused to have someone relay time cues to him (“I’ve got a clock in my head” he said!) and he made several attempts at the promos, some complete with swearing when he’d screw things up! When Mort’s show launched, I even got to appear on one- along with Mancow, as judges in a “beauty contest” where some of the contestants were women and some were female impersonators. It was a show to remember, and, for some reason, it isn’t on my demo reel. If you saw the show- you know why! Mort passed on a few years ago, and , honestly, he was always very nice to me. Whenever he talked to our program director after our taping, he always asked him to say hello to me for him. He was a definite character, and was the hottest thing on tv during his original run. His father was a big band singer, and Mort dabbled in music as well. I know he also did radio here on WMAQ for a while. And now, he’ll always be a part of the history of “the U!” So, on ward to the new year, and another year of the station that has tolerated me for a longer continuous time than any other! Let’s se if you can tolerate another blog from me- tomorrow…

What?! 2006 is winding down already?! My first reminder was in the mail , actually, two weeks ago- a lovely missive from the State of Illinois- it was the tax forms booklet. Already?! The year is careening to a close, with so many loose ends to tie together…and what about those New Year’s resolutions? Do people still do that? Quite honestly, it was never a big thing with my family- yet, I’ve known some people who took it very very seriously. This didn’t necessarily mean they KEPT the resolutions- but, they at least made an attempt. What could your friendly neighborhood Goolie resolve to do for the New Year? Hmmm…obviously, I could resolve not to show a lot of low-grade movies…because, thanks to our Universal movies deal, we’ll have higher- quality fare for a good while, so that’s already taken care of…I could resolve to stop messing up the movies for purists who don’t car for “Svensurround”- but, again, we’re not doing that with the Universal films- unless it’s in a separate segment. Then, there are those who would want me to resolve to do “Svensurround” on everything…but, that’s not gonna happen right now. I could resolve to change my look- but I already did that with the new red tuxedo shirt, and , besides, we’ve all learned that you can’t make any drastic changes to a semi-well-known character’s look- like Superman, or Spider Man…I could resolve to sing better, but- who would I be kidding? At this age, my voice can only continue to be a cross between a coyote and a stepped-on duck. I could resolve to stop saying “no personal checks” in our t-shirt ads- but, since we STILL get some , in spite of the many warnings we do- I can’t do that unless all of YOU resolve not to send personal checks. What about our crew? Could our sound man Kevin resolve not to hit the “BERWYN” sound effect anytime I mention a city, state, country, location, or name that SOUNDS like Berwyn? Well, he could, but things wouldn’t be as much fun. Could our director, Chris, resolve to not cut me off when I’m ad-libbing? Well, probably not- you’d most likely be thanking him if you saw some of the stuff we didn’t air! Could Malcolm, our camera guy, resolve to keep me in sharp close-ups? Once again, he’s doing you guys a favor- you don’t want TOO good a look at this kisser…although, once HDTV hits, nobody will be spared…and , what about Tombstone? Could he resolve to try not to be more popular than a plastic skull has any right top be?! How about Durwoood- could he resolve to have his traditionally high voice lowered a few octaves? And those hands at the door- should they resolve to step forward slightly, and no longer be faceless? And, our rubber chicken tossers- should they resolve to aim with more accuracy and more power (boy, I hope not- I get enough bruises, eye injuries, and smacks in the mouth as it is!) Feel free to provide me with any unique resolutions you may be making- or that I should make! You know the address- svengoolie@wciu.com -or, if it bounces back, try svenonu@aol.com …and , make it quick- the New Year is coming up fast!

Back at work after the big holiday- hope you all enjoyed it! I certainly did. One of the things that’s always a part of our holiday is viewing-at least once- “A Christmas Story!” My brothers and I have been big fans of the Jean Sheppard story since it first started getting aired on cable back in the 80s. It wasn’t very successful when it ran in theaters, but the repeated cable showings have made it the legend it truly deserves to be. I first heard Jean Sheppard when I was working at NBC radio in the 70s, and he was a contributor to the network features that the station ran- little comedic pieces, which he read in the same bemused way he narrates “Christmas Story.” Anyway, my brothers and I became such big fans that, one Christmas, I think we all gave each other the vhs release of the movie! The story of an Indiana family at Christmas- with the son Ralphie wishing for a Red Ryder BB gun- and the blustery dad winning “a major award” in a contest, that turns out to be a horrendous-looking lamp that looks like a woman’s leg- is still one of my favorite movies. At home in my office- I have a small version of the leg lamp- and even small figures of the characters, including Ralphie’s pal Flick with his tongue stuck on the flagpole! A lot of people find it hard to believe that this movie came from the same guy- Bob Clark- who made “Porky’s!” A side memory to all this- one of my best friends, who was my director for the “Koz Zone” once called me, and said that a couple he knew who worked at channel 9 were going to the Bulls game that night, and had invited him along- they had someone else that as in town for the station, who would also be at the game- some guy named Jean…Sheppard, was it?! I was thunderstruck- Jean Sheppard?! My friend had no idea who he was!!! I filled him in, and he did indeed have the honor of attending a Bulls game with Jean (who did NOT tell any of the Bulls, when they were about to take a shot- “you’ll shoot your eye out, kid!”) I was kind of miffed to see an obvious take-off on the movie as a commercial for a cellular phone this year. Granted, you could see a small superimposed “permission” trademark from Turner, who now owns the film, I guess…but I really wonder if, as well done and accurate as the commercial was made- had Jean Sheppard still been around-would he have allowed his story and characters to be shilling for a cellphone company? Just like Fred Astaire dancing with a vacuum cleaner many years ago…makes you wonder. Got a “Christmas Story” of your own? Let me have it- at svengoolie@wciu.com . More blog tomorrow!

Merry Christmas to all you devoted Sven fans! Also the Stooge-a-palooza fans, fans of “the U” and Me-Tv, our viewers in the Milwaukee and South Bend areas, the many fans from around the country ( and , yes, the world) who still check in here- even if they can’t see the show, the die-hard “Koz Zone” fans who await the return of Captain Dustpan, the fans of the original Sven , Jerry G. Bishop, who have graciously supported my continuing the family tradition, and- since it’s Christmas time- even the people who constantly complain about the show. I hope many of you got to tune in for the Me-TV Sven “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (by the way- hope you ignored the references to the New Year’s Eve Stooge show- that was out-dated stuff from last year’s showing. We won’t be doing a New Year’s Eve special to welcome 2007- so you’re on your own!) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day always seem to be a special time for most of us… the people who celebrate with their family and friends- the people who don’t observe the holiday, but get a nice day off, and a chance to go to the movies or whatever, and , all my friends in the broadcasting business, radio and television, for whom it’s still a work day. I always remember the last Christmas I was working at my former station- I had planned on Christmas Eve and Day as holidays- but the main weather anchor decided to take off, and I was going to be pulled in. I agreed to do Christmas Eve, even though it meant missing some family festivities- but had expected Christmas Day off, regardless. In previous similar situations, on a Christmas newscast, the news anchors simply read a brief weather update. However, the news director- even though he knew I was going to be fired in scant days (which I did NOT know at the time)-was adamant that I should work that day. One of his underlings finally convinced him that the world wouldn’t end if I had that day off , I’m guessing using the fact that there was bad news ahead for me anyway. So, at least I had a happy Christmas…and, at least they waited until right after New Year’s to fire me. Who says they don’t have a heart?! Speaking of which, I have one, too- and it makes me glad to have your support and good wishes. We’re going to do something different this year, as far as the nice holiday cards you have sent us- we’ll make a special Sven webisode that will run right here on wciu.com that will show as many of them as we can! We get enough cards and e-mails that we really can’t get back to you all- but let me just state right here that we send you the same wishes back. Watch for that webisode! Call me a cornball, but- there’s one other thing I’m throwing out here to you. We all hear people sing or say that, during this season, there should be peace on earth and goodwill towards ALL men. What do you say we give it a try, in whatever small way we can? I’ll have a new blog for you the day after Christmas. Have a great holiday, with warmest wishes from your entire Sven crew (who will also be delivering their holiday wishes in our traditional crew credits- which ALSO appear this year in a Sven webisode right here on this site!) As for me, I’m going to go check what’s in my stocking- the one I’m wearing-OW! What IS that, a pine needle? Hope I got slippers for Christmas!

The final Sven shows before Christmas air tonight (…and, to answer everyone’s questions- YES! I DID finish my shopping!) Our gift to you guys tonight are some less scary, more fun movies- first of all, our Universal contract has provided an encore performance of the very first Universal film in our recent acquisition- “Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” You get the great Boris Karloff as the good doctor/bad menace- plus old tv detective star Craig Stevens. Some cool transformation effects- including Lou turning into a giant mouse- show the usual Universal touch- although you’ll notice Karloff’s final Mr. Hyde face is actually a full mask-which also made it easier for the stunt man replacing him for the strenuous stuff to do his stunts and keep the face on! That’s the 9 pm WCIU show- and, at 1 am on Me-TV- just because we got so many requests for it- okay, okay! We’ll show the Svensurround-filled “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians!” Always high on lists of bad and goofy films, this movie is still a “must-watch” for a lot of folks- sure, because it’s public domain, a lot of people often show it- but NOT with the Sven touches that only we can provide. Plus, extra Sven songs and bits pertaining to the holiday season. And, you can sing along with the annoying theme song of “Hooray for Santy Claus!” (That’s right- “Santy”- sounds like the North Pole relative of one of the Three Stooges!) Speaking of which, there’s even a Christmas “Stooge-a-palooza” on at 7 pm- don’t miss the “Curly Claus” bit we did in that one! A few days ago, I mentioned how many parodies I’ve done of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Now, I do love that movie- but, we’ve had so many chances to goof with the idea. One of my favorites was when we had this bizarre movie called “the Brain” –with a giant brain trying to take over innocent minds. (Don’t confuse this with “Brain from Planet Arous!”) In that show,we did “It’s a Wonderful Brain” with the brain as the Clarence character. I especially liked the bar scene , with Doug as the bartender who wants us to leave “out da door or t’rough da window!” Another parody was an episode of the night-time Koz Zone on that other station- I had been working at a radio station, and with other duties, hadn’t written the show for that week- so, we improvised a story of how tv would be different if I’d never been born. I think the bottom line was that it’d be more infomercials. Our “boss” character- Wilton N. Klystron- was the mean Mr. Potter –type character, whose wheelchair went out of control. My co-workers there considered that show a classic- especially since we made it up as we went along! More pre-planning went into the shows you’ll see tonight- honest! Hope you’ll tune in- and come back tomorrow for my Yuletide message. Hang your stockings on your computer monitor tomorrow for that gift, kids!

Well, heck- now seems like the perfect time to unleash another barrage of feedback to you and your e-mails that I’ve received here at svengoolie@wciu.com . Long-time fan Jim had a good topic to hit- with the holidays here, he wondered about box sets of television dvds…do I own any? And- does their availability help or hurt WCIU or Me-TV? Well, Jim, I certainly own a bunch- the complete 39 episodes of the Honeymooners, all the Python episodes, the Simpsons, Benny Hill, SCTV (I mention that a lot, don’t I?!),the 50s Superman series- I even have a set of “Thunderbirds”- that British series with the puppets, that was poorly remade into a movie a while back. As far as hurting our stations- I really don’t think so- there are more than enough people who won’t spring for a box set, plus- fans of a show are fans of a show- if it happens to be on- chances are they’ll still watch it, even if they own it. If I’m changing channels and hit on a Honeymooners episode, I’m going to stay and watch, regardless if it’s sitting in a cabinet four feet away! It is great to be able to have all the episodes of something, compact- I still search through old tapes that have 3 Simpson episodes, a Stooge short, and half of an old “Saturday Night Live”…at least I can get rid of some of them now! Several people asked if there are any Svengoolie appearances coming up- right now, we don’t have anything firmly booked. There is a rumor that Rich Koz will be doing a story-telling gig at Brookfield Zoo near the end of their special Holiday Magic Event…but, we’ll address that next week…don’t worry- we will try to mention upcoming appearances of either Sven or that Koz creep before they occur! Speaking of which- a lot of you wrote to mention that you caught my surprise appearance last week on WGN Morning News- it was during the “voicemail” segment where viewers Call or send e-mails in reaction to various things- one viewer thought that the show’s “green grocer” Johnny Lirra looked like ch. 5’s Bruce Wolf. As they showed side-by-side photos of the two- onto the set walked Bruce himself- who couldn’t see any resemblance- but commented on how people often mistake him for “the Son of Svengoolie guy- Rich Koz”- at which point, I walked onto the set, and Bruce and I cracked wise for a few moments. I’ve known Bruce for a very long time- Back when I was writing “Chicken Man” episodes with Dick Orkin, Bruce wrote an article about me in a local suburban paper! I still have the article someplace at home. We knew each other before we had any really big success, and I’m happy to see Bruce employed and available to his adoring fans!…and that covers this edition of stuff you guys have written about…I’m always happy to get your reactions and ideas. And, once again, no, there are NO jobs available on our staff. Try Bruce Wolf…

Let’s hit some unfinished business from yesterday …my friend and co-worker George Blaise ( of “Homework Show” and “26 N. Halsted” fame) came up with a few more commercial products, as we’ve been discussing- there’s the CSL- Chimney Sweeping Log! Who needs Dick Van Dyke mucking about in your flue? The CSL burns like a log, but cleans away dangerous creosote deposits that COULD burst into flames ! Whenever I hear “creosote” I think of the Monty Python movie with “Mr. Creosote”- who eats enough that he’s ready to explode- which he does when waiter John Cleese offers him a “wafer-thin” mint…NOT for the weak stomached! By the way, CSL is NOT to be confused with CLR- which removes rust and calcium stains. Maybe if you add CLR to a CSL you might end up with CLRSL -Clearasil. Removes inflamed blemishes! Anyway, besides the log, George reminded me of a true classic- GHL9- “Great Looking Hair!” This was the stuff in a spray can which you were supposed to spray on bald spots and thinning hair to give the appearance of full lustrous locks. The commercial always featured a seductive young woman running her fingers thru the “hair” (as we all waited for her to recoil in horror, her fingers coated with some permanently- staining pigment.) It was GHL9 - which seems to indicate there were 8 previous formulas that they don’t seem to want to talk about… Another great commercial was for- the Smokeless Ashtray… “Does cigar and cigarette smoke irritate your eyes?” (Not as much as the commercial…) This was a plastic ashtray with a little fan in it that pulled in the smoke, brought it through a filter, and seemingly obliterated it. Had this caught on, every restaurant in Chicago would have tons of them, and there wouldn’t be a smoking ban! ..BUT- would every restaurant have…A CAP SNAFFLER !? Yes, this was the product that “snaffled” lids and caps off bottle , jars, and jugs.( I thought “snaffled” was when someone snitched and waffled about an issue at the same time.) This was one of the first products to use the immortal commercial line- ‘And it REALLY REALLY works!” I guess we did need that re-assurance…but, how could you doubt anything called a “Snaffler?” It could be a Sesame Street character, or a character who steals fries in a McDonald’s commercial…thanks to George for giving me enough material to fill an entire blog! I owe you one, pal… now, if somebody else here can give me an idea for tomorrow…

Boy, you guys have been great, giving me feedback about the seasonal commercials that always pop up on television this time of year! That topic definitely deserves one more look at this point… Sarah reminded me of the “Buttoneer!” Yes, as the commercial used to say-‘the problem with buttons is- they always fall off!” The Buttoneer was there to help, though- it was a kind of gun that no doubt is used today to automatically pierce ears. You just loaded in the button, pulled the trigger- and the button was affixed in place thanks to a plastic fastener! A similar device was the deal that set rhinestones and studs into fabric- which has a current descendant available- the BeDazzler! Turn that bland pair of disco jeans or that denim jacket into a glittery work of art! Come to think of it, THAT might come in handy for piercing ears… But wait! There’s more! Remember the Veg-O-Matic? Put anything under the cuplike opening- smack the top plunger like a stapler- and –yes- you had julienne fries! Chopped onions with no more tears! Sliced cheese into cubes! I think it might have been the first “Popeil” product…which later evolved into the Ronco line of purchasable tv wonders. I still have my “Pocket Fisherman!” No, it wasn’t a small mutant sea-farer… it was a collapsible fishing rod, complete with hook, line and bobber. I think on my third cast with it, the bobber parted company with the line, leaving me to use a sturdy branch (they would have made more money selling those!) to knock it back within reach. Ray wrote to remind me of a real winner –the Jar and Bottle Cutter! You know, because drinking glasses are SO expensive! Actually, it was an early form of recycling- you’d use it to cut the top off, say, a pop bottle, and then the bottom part could be used as an attractive drinking glass! Ray wondered if anybody took a nice long sip from one of these babies, only to end up with a few slices in their lips…cue the “ow!ow!OW!” sound effect again! You could also create vases and objects of art using that one. But- did you? No, of course not. You were too good to make a matching set of glasses from old Blatz bottles. Snob! There was the Kitchen Magician, and a thing that let you knit little circular things (I guess you could attach them together to make a quilt?!), and ,as my pal George Blaise reminded me, the thing that looked like a toaster that you could put your vinyl records into- and it would clean them (either that, or cook them to a golden brown- hey! It WAS a toaster after all!) All great stuff with great commercials…if I missed your favorite- send me the info- svengoolie@wciu.com - and, so you don’t forget- send it by midnight tonight! Operators are standing by!

Just saw a commercial for the holiday film “Black Christmas”- sorority girls getting killed off just in time for the holidays! I know it’s a remake of a film from the early 70s-once again proving that bad taste is timeless. (I know- this coming from a guy who loves that “Tales from the Crypt” story with the maniac in the Santa suit…) That original film- a product of Bob Clark, who later did one of my favorite Christmas movies “A Christmas Story”- featured everyone from Olivia Hussey to Margot Kidder- to Andrea Martin of “SCTV!” … where’s your Edith Prickley NOOOW?! Certainly a scary Christmas movie, often called the “Halloween” of such films-but- there most certainly is a tradition of SLAY-bell cinema…there was a whole series of “Silent Night, Deadly Night” films- we even had one on Svengoolie years ago! You might remember it, mainly because it featured the self-proclaimed (okay, Saturday Night Live imitation-proclaimed) “greatest actor in the world”- Mickey Rooney! More about that later-let’s go through the series for those who never heard of it. In the first film- a disturbed young teen dresses as Santa and goes on a killing rampage. This film was released around Christmas and, due to protests (how times have changed!) was actually pulled from distribution two weeks later! In the second movie of the series- the brother of the original killer Santa-teen tells how HE took over as a Christmas killer (well, Christmas IS a time for families…) Number three has the original Santa-teen revived by a mad scientist. You read right- revived by a mad scientist. Number four in this series of yuletide yeech doesn’t seem as connected, although it does feature beloved creep Clint (“Ice Cream Man”) Howard…and gets into evil cults, etc. Number 5 is the one we ran years ago- with toymaker Mickey Rooney and his son making killer toys that off the unlucky recipients. It doesn’t have anything to do with the first three, and we had a great time doing it- especially our song, a parody of the Toni Basil “Oh Mickey” all about the Mickster. Are they still running that commercial with him and his latest wife (what is she- number 7?) trying to sell you insurance? Maybe he’ll then send you a killer toy so your family can collect on the policy… I’m not a big fan of another Christmas flick –“Home Alone”- for a personal reason…never saw it in a theater or anything, but… one year, while I was still working at Fox- our Christmas bonus was- you guessed it- the home video cassette of “Home Alone.” Gee, thanks, Mr. Murdoch…I think it was the next year that , right after Christmas, they gave me a pink slip. Then I did the Kevin “hands next to face” alarm pose… Enough about extreme Xmas movies- I’ll stick with “Christmas Story” and “It’s a Wonderful Life”- how many times have I parodied that one? Sounds like a good blog topic for the future. Yule come back now, ya hear? (See what I did there? Yule- y’all? …I promise I won’t do it again…)

Okay, I owe you a little explanation, regarding the end of yesterday’s blog- I mentioned that, if you write to me at svengoolie@wciu.com, and the message “bounces back” to you as “undeliverable”- you should write to me at svenonu@aol.com. Here’s the deal, which also effects our stoogekoz@wciu.com address. Our wciu e-mail server has very strict security settings, since we need to protect our internal system from invading viruses, not to mention spam, spam, spam, spam (that’s for you Monty Python fans.) Sometimes, the system will reject mail from the “free’ services (Yahoo, hotmail, etc.) because they are used for spamming. But- it also means messages from viewers get rejected. I spoke with our resident computer guy, who keeps our pc wheels on the track- and asked if he can change the settings, but- no deal. So, I apologize. The idea of having the “wciu” addresses for my shows was, of course, to make life easier…but, alas, like everything in life, there are some flies in the harddrive ointment. However, if you can’t get through there- as I said- please feel free to write me at the old standby that we got shortly after hitting the air back in 1995- svenonu@aol.com. Also, there’s this new thing going on- the postal service? For a nominal fee, mainly used to buy a little picture you stick on the upper right hand corner of an envelope- you can send a message via trucks, men and women in spiffy uniforms, and snappy looking blue boxes. Don’t forget to give them a little something for the holidays, too. Speaking of which-I’m sure you’ll all be happy to know that I finally got around to doing some holiday shopping! And nothing makes me dislike mankind more than seeing how so many people are without manners, totally rude and despicable. Is it going to kill you to say ‘excuse me” when you bash someone’s ankles with your shopping cart? If you deliver a shoulder block to some innocent shopper while racing for the escalator, can’t you say “I’m sorry” or, at least “hope that collarbone heals quickly.” Then, speaking of escalators, there’s the unique phenomenon which I have christened “Idiots in the Land of Wonder.” This is something I’m sure you’ve run into- literally. An escalator rider in front of you gets to the top or bottom of the escalator- and then stands there like they’re dumbfounded, as more escalator riders keep moving right towards them like the candies on Lucy’s conveyor belt. I always think it’s like they’ve just emerged in the Land of Oz, and are so overwhelmed by the sight they are rendered immobile!(“Gol-lee gee whizzickers! Lookit them lights! And them foun-tains! And that there pretzel seller! We sure ain’t in DumbHindQuarters, Kansas anymore, Uncle Beelzebub!”)In the name of all that’s sane- GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! STAND ASIDE!!! You can marvel at the “Things Dismembered” kiosk perfectly well from off to the side of the escalator, instead of being the lynchpin in a game of human dominos. (Ooooh- that was flowery writing- so much so that I’m winded. What say I get the heck out of your way for now, and we meet here tomorrow? I promise not to complain…too much.)

Last night you had Bela and Boris in “the Black Cat”- very odd atmosphere, several disturbing images- a very dark film. Some strange parallels with last week’s “the Raven” as well- Bela was a surgeon in both, but Boris and Bela kind of switched roles as bad guy/better guy (I wouldn’t say ‘good guy’ in the case of Boris in “Raven”- although he did turn at the end.) Also, Bela was infatuated with the young girl in “Raven”- while Boris has that vice in “Black Cat.” Bela played the pipe organ in “Raven”- Boris plays in “Cat” (speaking of organists- supposedly contract Universal actor John Carradine was the organist in the “black mass” scene in “Cat”!You really don’t see him though…) Both films are labeled as based on Edgar Allan Poe works- but, as I mentioned on-air- “Black Cat” truly had no connection- it was just the studio’s idea to give it a little extra push. Still not sure what the deal was with Boris’ wardrobe and , especially, that haircut last night- if you’ve got a clue, let me in on it. It reminded me of the haircuts in the SCTV show where a Russian tv satellite was broadcasting Russian programming onto the SCTV frequency.(If you’ve never seen that- buy or rent the second set of SCTV shows- as I’ve mentioned before, “SCTV” has always been one of my absolute favorites!) You’ll be seeing more of Boris and Bela down the line as we get more of the Universal classics- they’re together in “Son of Frankenstein”- with Boris in his final appearance as the monster, and Bela in his first as the hunchback Ygor who survived the hangman’s noose! Of course, you’ll get them separately, like Bela in “Dracula” (when you see that listed- don’t miss it! We only get ONE RUN of it!) and back as Drac in “Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein!” He’ll also be back as Ygor in “Ghost of Frankenstein”- as a cursed gypsy in “the Wolf Man”-and even as the Frankenstein Monster in “Frankenstein Meets the Wolf Man!” You’ll get Boris in “The Mummy”-“Frankenstein”-“Bride of Frankenstein”- and “House of Frankenstein”-although he’s neither the monster nor a member of the Frankenstein clan (he’s a mad doctor who revives Count Dracula –played by the afore-mentioned “Black Cat” organist- John Carradine!) Lots of good stuff on the way in the New Year- along with showings of some of the other movies we’ve had for you. Again, I have to explain that the schedule of what we show – and when we show it- was set up by Universal. I know that some of you have written, asking why we haven’t shown the “biggies”- but, they’ll get here. And I hope YOU’LL get here tomorrow for more blogging – Meanwhile, write to me at svengoolie@wciu.com . If that bounces back at you, there’s always svenonu@aol.com . I’ll write more about that- tomorrow…

Get set for another dosage of tag team terror tonight on Svengoolie- you’ve got the big two of Universal horror, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff together once more , but, unlike last week’s film- their roles are somewhat reversed! Tonight’s film- “the Black Cat”- features Bela (again as a surgeo

Hanukkah begins at sundown tonight, so happy holidays to those of you celebrating! Hope you and yours enjoy lighting the first candle and spending this special time together! In celebration -let’s pause once again to put YOU in the spotlight…as we blog about questions asked by you folks who read this junk every day! Your reactions and questions are appreciated… Doug (not Doug Graves) asked that, since he and his wife are long time Sven fans, going back to the late 70s,and have been transplanted to “culturally deprived” Albuquerque- is there any chance that our full show would end up on the internet, as opposed to just our webisodes. Well, Dan, probably not- mainly due to the rights for the movies- we are not cleared to run the movies other than on the air. It’s possible that some of our public domain movies could end up on the Internet- but that’s down the road. Meanwhile, have some friend or relative who still lives here tape the show for you! TommyH asked what has become an FAQ- if the original Sven, Jerry G. Bishop, might make an appearance on our show. He mentioned that Jerry was heard for a while on the RealOldies station here that folded a while back, and asked if he was doing the shows here. Tommy, Jerry was actually broadcasting his weekend show from San Diego, where he owns a couple restaurants and does some broadcasting. He really doesn’t get back to Chicago very often, but, if he does, and it’s around when we’re taping a show, I know he would do a guest appearance. He did one on my “Son of” show – in fact, on the same one that “Dr. Who” Jon Pertwee appeared! Genesis noticed that picture of a “Simpson-esque” Sven that we have on our studio dungeon wall, and asked when I was on “the Simpsons”- well, much as I’d love that- it never happened. That drawing was made by the wonderful folks in our graphics department as a birthday gift a few years ago. No, it isn’t available anywhere. D’Oh! The Hilbert family says the show needs more rubber chickens! I might have mentioned this before, but a new sponsor, Horrorbles, is taking care of that. I think you guys just want the crew to have more ammunition to fling at me! Joshua wants to know what movie has a big brain, and a guy tries to kill it with an axe. The answer, of course, is “Fried Green Tomatoes.” NO! JUST KIDDING! You’re talking about the beloved John Agar shlockfest “Brain from Planet Arous!” I’m pretty sure it’s still in the depths of the Sven library, so it may air again sometime- but, not until our deal with Universal runs out- which will not be a while. Paul thinks we should move the show back to 11 pm- and says his wife swears she saw me on tv back in Philadelphia- her asks if we’re syndicated. No, Paul- not syndicated-we run on stations within our station group- which is the same thing that happened when your wife saw me. It had to be in the 80s, when my “Son of” show ran on all the Field Communications stations around the country. I even did a special show in Philadelphia that I taped there. The studio was in the middle of an oil refinery or something, and we taped a marathon for the first Son of Sven show that would air there. Several of the studio workers were either uncooperative or just plain rude, feeling that we were being forced on them by the upper station group management. Nothing like doing a comedy show under those circumstances. The sound guy refused to work from a script- so someone from our group had to TAP HIM ON THE SHOULDER when it was time for him to hit one of our sound effects. I wanted to tap him on the head- with a baseball bat. Thanks for the input, folks- and don’t forget-send more to me – svengoolie@wciu.com - and you may just see your words here. Come back tomorrow for a preview of tomorrow’s show! (Just tap me on the shoulder…)

Okay- I admit it- in spite of what I said a few days ago- no, I STILL haven’t done any holiday shopping. I’ve been so busy, along with my lil’ Sven elves (or, are they goblins?!) putting together another new tv show, answering your e-mails, and writing this blog- that I’m really running way behind. I know viewers will sometimes ask ME for gift-giving advice for their favorite horror film fan…so I thought that, today, I might give you a few ideas. The obvious gift is- the movies themselves. Thanks to home video, there are always plenty of horror movies available, for every taste- the classic stuff, contemporary stuff, the b-movie schlock, Japanese monster movies- so much is available. A couple things to look for if you have a classic horror film buff on your list are the 75th anniversary versions of both “Frankenstein” and “Dracula”- two cornerstones of the Universal Horror legend! You can also probably find some of the box sets of Universal monsters. For the sci fi fan, there’s a really neat “Forbidden Planet” box set that even includes a figure of Robby the Robot!(so, santa- if you’re reading this…) There are also bobbleheads a plenty for the collector- you can find Frankie and Drac, Freddy Krueger, and even Herman and Lily Munster! T-shirts are also available- as well as posters of both classic and contemporary horror figures. And, speaking of figures- you can find action figures and statues-Todd MacFarlane’s horror action figures are really outstanding. I know there is a contingent of horror movie fans who’d rather watch a movie than read about one- but you can find some great books about horror films, their actors, and complete books of “A to Z” listings of various films. A favorite of mine (and I’m not sure if they still update it yearly) is the famed “Psychotronic Video Guide”- an alphabetical listing of horror and bizarre films that you’ll love to browse through- and, the more you browse, the more you’ll want to find some of the movies you’ll read about! Luckily, it even provides the names of places to find many of the movies. You can also find the original classics- like “Frankenstein” and “Dracula”- BUT- I have to warn you- some people are turned off by the archaic writing styles, not to mention that the books are NOT like reading the novel version of a current horror movie. It is pretty interesting to see where the legendary movies came from , though. Speaking of which- you can find biographies of horror legends like Tod Browning, who made “Dracula” and “Freaks.” And- for a Svengoolie fan? No, no box sets or dvds yet (I hear your demands- we just have a lot to work out to get them rolling)- but, there is the Svengoolie t-shirt, and – I can’t stress enough how much these mean to a Sven fan- rubber chickens! Sven fans LOVE to get their own plasticene pullet- I know, since so many of them then bring it to my appearances, where, seriously, I am always happy to sign them. Speaking of which, I’d better stop writing this- so I can at least sign a few Christmas cards- no, wait, they’re credit card bills. Hope my suggestions will help you find that perfect gift for your horror fan. Come back for more blogging tomorrow-by then, maybe I’ll have bought at least ONE gift. Or not.

Been hearing those Christmas songs since Thanksgiving? Sick of ‘em yet? Are there some you hear so often that you’re ready to tell them to put a Christmas sock in it? One thing some people cannot stand- even hearing once- are Christmas novelty songs. Most people love ‘em or hate ‘em. We were discussing some of the “goofy gold” holiday records we remembered- and I though I’d share a few of them with you. Cover your ears now! Back when I was working as second banana/producer for my pal and mentor Jerry G. Bishop at WMAQ radio back in the ‘70s- one of the most requested tunes was sung by the heavily Swedish–accented Stan and Doug. It was called “Christmas Goose”- sung to the tune of Anne Murray’s “Snowbird.” It was fairly funny, playing off the double- entendre stuff (the guys wife gets angry at him when he comes home drunk with the bird, and he sings “Vy did she get so mad at me for yust one Christmas Goose?”) I don’t hear anybody playing that one much…a complaint from the Swedish consulate, perhaps? Another semi-annoying one (depending on how much of a fan of his you are) came from Ray Stephens in the ‘60s.After his success with “A-hab the A-rab” (come to think of it, I guess you don’t hear THAT one much anymore, either!)-Ray did a Christmas tune called “Santa Claus is Watching You!” It had a brief riff of him in falsetto screeching “he’s everywhere! He’s everywhere!”- which, I always wondered if our friend Dick Orkin appropriated for the open of his Chicken Man episodes. Ray included, along with Santa’s reindeer, a camel named Clyde who had previously appeared in the “A-hab” song. You get plenty of camel snorts along with your yuletide lyrics. Hard to believe the same guy did “Everything is Beautiful” (no camel in that one.) The final Crazy Christmas tune I wanted to mention is a rarity…and goes back to my days at high school radio station WMTH in Park Ridge. We received a version of the “Chipmunk Song” (you can’t get through even a few days around Christmas without hearing THAT one!)-BUT- it was a new version- it still featured the ‘actual’ Chipmunks, Simon, Theodore, and Alvin- but it had them joining the band Canned Heat ( “On the Road Again”-“Going Up to the Country”) for a blend of their tune with all new heavy metal Yuletide cheer. Call your favorite station and request THAT one! Let me know if – a) they actually have it - and b) if they actually PLAY it! We’re working on at least putting a Sven song Christmas medley up as our webisode …check our video room soon for the Sven version of holiday cheer. And- you can tell me YOUR favorite wacky Christmas tune at svengoolie@wciu.com . (You don’t have to mention “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer”- OR- the Sven version- “Oprah Got Run Over by a Reindeer.”)

Nobody ever said people working in television were smart (especially not me- meaning, I never said it, and, also- that I’m not too smart!)But- I AM smart enough to come in out of the cold. I think my dislike of cold weather was cemented by my school years of waiting outside for school buses, freezing…and my college days, when I didn’t have a car, and rode a bike from a northwest suburb to Northwestern in Evanston, no matter what the weather. The bus service back then was pitiful, and really unreliable, so- I was a pedaling fool. Now I’m just a fool, but, a fool who doesn’t enjoy being cold. That brings me back to my main point- and, granted, others have commented on this as well- that television people are not so smart. The minute there’s severe weather of ANY kind- the first thing they do is- GO OUT INTO IT! 120 degrees in the shade? Alex Anchorman will be out there, telling us all how dangerous it is to …be out there. Hurricane winds, floods, tornadic conditions? Quick- get Alice Anchorbabe out there, to tell people how dangerous it is to…be out there. Unless Willis the wacky weatherguy can take time from cracking wise to go out and get knocked off his feet by the high winds he’s telling you that it’s dangerous…to be outside in. Aren’t they brave to be out there? No, wait- THEY’RE STUPID!!! Just aim a camera out the window and talk about what you’re seeing from a nice safe vantage point. I know- they’re worried someone on some other station will get something more dramatic- but- why give up on common sense because you think you might gain a minor scoop- when there’s the chance they may have to scoop YOU up when it’s over? What brought all this on? Well, in recent cold –COLD- weather- I saw one of our favorite street reporters outside in the bitter cold, telling how dangerous the cold was- and he wasn’t wearing a hat. “Yeah, yeah, you lose 90% of your body heat through your head, and frostbitten ears make it tough to put that little earphone (an IFB, as we tv goofs call it) in your ear, but- boy, would I look GOOFY wearing a hat!” Even worse, some lovely female reporter was out covering a very worthwhile event- that yearly toy drive headed by a group of motorcyclists. At the end of her live bit- she was on the back of a bike, speeding off –with no helmet on. (No hat, either- and it was cold -again!) We’re not just talking the possibility of frostbite here- but that annoying noise when a human skull meets the pavement. (Note to my biker pals- I know, you guys try to ride as safely as possible- but accidents happen- especially with novice tv reporters trying to do something they think will make for a great shot.) Can tv reporters sacrifice their image by NOT sacrificing their safety- and intelligence? You can bet when Mr. Goolie has to appear outdoors, he’s got insulated Svenderwear, earmuffs under those flowing locks, gloves, Thinsulate socks, etc…the only thing I have yet to master is extreme heat (anybody who’s been out at some of the parades with me can verify that…)but, when you’ve got as much costume and make-up as I do, you can see how it’s hard enough to avoid heatstroke. After all…I’m a television person- I’m not that smart. (At least now I’m smart enough to wear something cooler than a turtleneck!) We’ll see if I’m smart enough to come up with another blog tomorrow…meanwhile, send me a message , if you want, at svengoolie@wciu.com .

You think I should start my holiday gift buying yet? I’m sure everybody got all their Christmas shopping out of their system the day after Thanksgiving- so stores must be practically empty by now, right? I’d better get to that Dollar Store now… Seriously, it’s always a kind of hassle to find stuff for some of my friends- especially those in the television business…you think of a dvd or box set that you know they’d like, but either they’ve already bought it, or a more swift-moving friend or relative has already given it to them. One thing I’ve noticed is that television people often collect tv stuff…whether it’s tv characters, books, dvds, or- even tvs themselves! Maybe not actual televisions- although some do collect various types, like vintage old sets, portables, tvs in weird shapes, etc…but- stuff in the shape of televisions! I myself have several collectibles like that- for example, a mid-50s clock that looks like an old tv set…with a little light inside, and numbers that flip around to tell you the time. It often makes a nerve-gouging “grinding” sound as the wheels move to indicate another minute has passed. Plus- if you’ve had the light on for a while- when you turn it off –there’s that sort of “after-glow” that old tv picture tubes used to have when they turned off (no doubt, it’s just some harmless radio-active element painted into the clock- which now might be more useful as a Geiger counter…) Another tv set collectible I have is what looks like a small console set- but is really- a salt and pepper shaker set! You simply turn the little dial next to the “screen”- and part of the top of the set rises- revealing itself as the two spice receptacles! (I’ve heard about that Spice channel- didn’t realize that this little set was cable-ready…) Another favorite from my collection was a gift from some friends who went to Nevada- they visited the Ponderosa ranch there- supposedly the actual ranch used for many shots in the old “Bonanza” series. Along with a western-style tin cup with the Cartwright Family beaming at me from it’s surface- the prize gift was a small plastic television set- imprinted with the words- “See the Ponderosa on TV!” And- sure enough- you look into a small peephole in the set and – there’s a shot of the bunkhouse! There’s the dining room! There’s Hoss, Ben, and Little Joe! Tiny slides of the place and its denizens rotate into place, each time you press the bottom of the set (hey- I wonder how we can make a SVEN version of that?!) Somewhere there’s even a snowglobe that looks like a tv with a couple snowpeople inside it-“on screen” (change the channel before Regis and Kelly melt!)- which now makes me wonder if I’m TOO into this whole tv thing… can’t we all leave work at work? (Well…not if work is fun…) I’ll work on a new blog for tomorrow- maybe I’ll even get some shopping done in the meantime…how late is Dollarama open?

Glad to hear that so many of you liked last night’s vintage Boris and Bela flick- you’ll be happy to know we’ve got another one next week! Definitely was a fun alternative to some of the stuff airing on other channels- “A Very Jim Belushi Christmas” and “ I Hear Shatner Sleigh Bells”-not to mention the made for tv movie- “The Kid Who Thought Santa Was Breaking and Entering”- that sort of thing… still plenty of Christams ads bombarding us as well…I did hear from a lot of you who enjoyed our blog about old commercials from this time of year…and added a few more! The list-topper had to be- the Chia-Pet! Sing along- “Ch-ch-ch-Chia!” How simple is that? You put water in a clay thing- spread a mélange of seedy goo on the outside- and it grows stuff…maybe even mold! And now that Chia beings have become so diverse- various Chia animals, Chia heads- like the Homer Simpson head (although, wouldn’t a ‘Disco Stu’ have been more appropriate, growing that ‘disco perm?’)- there’s a Chia for every taste (providing you’re not THAT particular.) By the way, many years ago, WE created the “Mr. T-ia Pet” on the night-time “Koz Zone” show- which was then ripped off by a network show. You just seed a narrow strip on a bust of Mr. T- and the green Mohawk grows in! Coming in close at second- the Clapper! (Notice how both the leading commercials on this list have a song or chant? “Clap on! Clap off!”) I still love the idea of using it as a burglar alarm- the minute the burglar shatters your expensive plate glass window- he runs in fear as the lights go on! That’s a well-spent 20 bucks! Now, about the cost of replacing that window…most fans of this commercial still love the arrogant old lady who awakes, notices something still on, and, with the theatricality of Dame Edna, dramatically brings her hands together and smugly returns to slumberland (for a year- until the next gift-giving season…) A newer entry? The Ove-Glove!!! Space age technology again steps up to protect your hands from over-heated cooking vessels! A chef with an under-stated European accent (which, naturally, makes him much more credible as a chef- take that, Charlie Trotter!) shows us how it withstands blistering heat – both at work and at home! I’m seriously thinking of getting this for Sven crew member Malcolm, to handle those hot lights and lighting accessories. I haven’t even gotten to the Empire Carpet Man in his Santa suit with his chorus-boy elves (“Dashing to the phone…”)-but, time to wrap up (get the Christmas angle there? Wrap up? Like a gift? You…never mind…) this blog. Write me with your favorite- or less than favorite holiday ads… svengoolie@wciu.com …and come back here tomorrow (by then, I’ll have perfected my Chia-growing Clapper that only responds to two Ove-Gloves being struck together…)

How’s that holiday shopping going? You’ve got Hanukkah coming up fast, and Christmas is just about 2 weeks away… (hope you’ve ordered that Sven t-shirt by now, so it’ll arrive in time.) You can tune in to the Sven show tonight for a break (or to watch while gift-wrapping)-for the next couple weeks, we’ve got a couple cool vintage, lesser-seen horror films , featuring two of the founding fathers of the Universal horror legacy- Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi! This week, it’s the 1935 chiller- “the Raven” ( ignore TVGUIDE.com’s wrong listing- this ISN’T the Vincent Price/Peter Lorre comedy.) You get Bela as a surgeon with a rather unhealthy attraction to Edgar Allan Poe’s work- and , an even more unhealthy attraction to a young woman whose life he saves after a car accident. Bela gets a stroke of evil good luck when a criminal- Boris- finds him, and asks him to do a plastic surgery job on his face, so he won’t have to stay on the run. Bela uses this to get Boris to do his evil bidding (is there any other kind of bidding, other than eBay?) He purposely makes Boris look hideous, dangling the carrot of restoring his face-IF Boris helps him get revenge on the girl who jilted him, her boyfriend, and her father- a judge who told Boris to back off from his young offspring. It doesn’t help that Bela has built models of many of the torture devices that Poe wrote about- including the grisly cutting device from “the Pit and the Pendulum”- and they all come into play before the movie concludes! I’ve mentioned that Bela Lugosi had a sort of axe to grind with Boris Karloff- we’ll talk about that in tonight’s show- but there were a few reasons, though they had nothing to really do with Boris, for the bad feelings. Bela was a big star of stage and screen back in the old country-Hungary- and had immediate success when he immigrated to America and starred in the stage version of Dracula. But- he signed with Universal Studios under a contract that really didn’t pay him fairly, And he often alienated co-workers simply through his lack of a deep understanding of English , which also affected his business decisions. He was a very proud man, with a bit of an ego. He often resented that Karloff was considered a better, more versatile actor than he. His heart-breakingly tough life in later years, of course, was documented in the “Ed Wood” film. You’ll see many examples of Bela’s work- including his “Dracula” role- on our show as we roll out more of the Universal classics. I think you’ll agree that Bela deserves more respect than he got during his lifetime. Tune in tonight at 9 on WCIU, especially if you’ve never seen him as anything other than Count Dracula. I’ll wrap this up- you wrap up those presents while you watch tonight- and take a break tomorrow to check back here for more blog. Anyone for blog with egg nog?

To paraphrase the Sun Times’ Rob Feder when he does a column of viewers’ letters- put down the remote, let go of your mouse, pull up your socks, drink your milk before it clots, and bite Mama good-night …no, wait, that’s a whole different thing…let’s spend the blog today checking out a few messages from you-maybe not you personally, but the OTHER people- who have sent me e-mail here at svengoolie@wciu.com. Milton asked “does your blog have an RSS feed for blog aggregators?” Well, Milton, the Svengoolie program does not condone aggregators, which grew up in a swamp until they became a suitcase (thank you, Curly Howard…)-actually, I had to talk to one of our esteemed web guys, Mark, to even find out what Milton was talking about. (I’ll pause now so all you computer geniuses can laugh at me.) Mark told me that, no, we don’t have an RSS feed (so that RSS must be starving!)- which is a way people can subscribe and get an update when we post a new blog. There is talk of eventually having a Svengoolie sub-site here, and then it may be possible. Until then, you’ll need to go through the daily drudgery of checking out the blog here. Michael asked if we’d have some movies featuring Godzilla and other giant creatures. Well, for the next several months, we are only showing the films scheduled for us by Universal- so the giant creatures will be limited to the likes of “Tarantula” and “the Deadly Mantis”- but, unfortunately, those great old Japanese-made giant monster flicks are very hard for us to get the rights to- but- as showed by our finally getting the Universal flicks- never say never… Maria asked an interesting question- “how many Svengoolie shirt designs have their been?” Our first design here at “the U” was the one with Sven in front of the yellow “full moon” on the BACK of the shirt- and a little picture of Tombstone saying “BERWYN?” on the upper front chest. The second design moved the Sven/full moon picture to the front, and eliminated Tombstone. He returned on the third design, though- it’s the pone with Sven and Tombstone in front of a stone- tombstone (gravemarker type, not smart-aleck bonehead type.)The latest design, the very popular “It Came from Berwyn” movie poster, brings us to four designs- all with “glow-in-the-dark” features! And- I’ve got a hunch that there will be more! (I didn’t mention the previous “Son of Svengoolie” shirts- I think we talked about those before…) Let me again answer a FAQ- we’re sorry, but we cannot send you copies of show segments. I’m sorry if you missed me reading your letter, showing your drawing, etc.- or that your vcr blew up just as it came on. Our station does not send copies of shows or show segments out- we get so many requests, doing so would not be feasible. I value your participation via mail and e-mail, and really do feel badly about not being able to do so. Just remember , those broadcast signals are still flying through the universe- perhaps someday an Alpha Centaurian will tape that segment for you. Please continue to write to me- svengoolie@wciu.com - and , maybe you’ll see your message here! Or not- maybe I’ll actually think of a topic tomorrow, and won’t have to rely on you to bail me out!

Can you guess what a lot of people ask me about locating as a gift, this time of year? Besides the Sven t-shirts, of course…it’s the one item that has been closely aligned with the Svengoolie family for a very long time. Bad movies? No, it’s easy to find those. Berwyn road signs? No, sorry, they’re actually USING them in Berwyn. No, that one item people want to find is- the rubber chicken! You see them every week on the show, being hurled at me in response to a questionable joke-or twelve. We have a new sponsor that will be providing us with the plastic poulets now- it’s a horror collectibles store called (surprisingly) “Horrorbles!” Even more surprising- the store is located on Roosevelt Road in- BERWYN! We’re happy to have them coming aboard to support the show. Why do we need so many chickens? (Besides the fact that I tell SO many bad jokes?) Well, the rubber chickens have a tendency to deteriorate as they are used…in actuality, I think the paint used on them eventually causes them to start to break down. When you first get a rubber chicken, many times the inside is coated with a fine talcum powder- this is put into the chicken to keep the rubber insides from sticking together, so it keeps its hollow body shape.(We used to give the chickens a quick squeeze to make them look like they were exhaling smoke, like the beloved “Dirty Dragon” created by our old friend Bill Jackson!) As I may have stated before, the best rubber chickens used to come from Italy- no idea why. Maybe Leonardo Da Vinci originally sculpted a plucked chicken, and the tradition continued (THERE’S a “Da Vinci Code” for you!) They were very detailed, more so than most American-made chickens. But, currently, the Svengoolie show proudly uses American-made chickens ..uh- make that made for American companies by …China or sometimes France… Although we have well-practiced chicken chuckers (the preferred term) who work with us here, occasionally we will have a new intern or employee who has to be trained in how to throw the chickens at me. Yes- that’s right- trained. A poorly-tossed rubber chicken can be a damaging weapon- take it from the person who always ends up being damaged. There is a certain trajectory that must be attained, so that a) the chicken actually makes it on camera, and b) it doesn’t take my eye out. Accidents do happen , however. I’m always grateful that the bottom half of the coffin usually protects me- let’s just say a rubber chicken hitting below the equator is NOT one of the more pleasant experiences a guy can have. Enough fowl language for today-and, yes, they would’ve tossed chickens at me for that one. Come back tomorrow while I do my usual “hunt-and-PECK” typing (there’s another one) to write a new blog. Hope you didn’t stay COOPED up at your computer for too long here (ow…who just threw that?)

Welcome back to the Svengoolie blog- last time, you remember, Rocky and Bullwinkle were trapped at the bottom of Katchemiffy Falls …no, wait…wrong reminiscence …although I do indeed love those old Jay Ward cartoons… Last time, I was going through some of those great Christmas –time gift commercials that we all knew and tolerated. We covered the “Mr. Microphone”-the “In-the-Shell” Egg Scrambler- and the “Glass Froster.” But- as most of those commercials said- “Wait! There’s more!” One cannot forget those great record albums that had all the top hits “Played and Sung EXACTLY like the Originals!” You’d start to listen to it, and say “hey- THAT’S not the Monkees!” You’d get fairly pitiful imitations of your favorite groups doing those top 40 songs… and I always envisioned buyers of these things snatching them off the turntable (that was what played the records, kids) and flinging them like a Frisbee out the window, crying “they cheated me! That’s not the Strawberry Alarm Clock!” Can you even imagine somebody trying to do that today? “See? You like all these songs- so, we had people who sort of sound like the singers do them! You get all your favorite songs-kind of!” You could also get that flipping album keeper- you put all your record albums into this rack, and when you flipped the first one, it kept going like a combination Rolodex and a Slinky walking down the stairs, so you could watch for that ONE album you were looking for to come up. Please- no wagering. Here’s a favorite- the “Mr. Dentist!” (No relation to Mr. Microphone- or WAS it?!) The “Mr. Dentist” actually was ahead of its time-it was a kind of battery –powered toothbrush that gave you a motorized tooth-brushing-though nowhere as accurate and comfortable as today’s electric toothbrushes. BUT- the moment we waited for in the commercial? When the unctuous announcer urged us to “get a second Mr. Dentist for your DOG, too!” This was accompanied by a close-up of some poor Fido with this implement of torture shoved into his muzzle. I’m quite sure the first time you tried to clean those canine choppers with “Mr. Dentist” would also be the last. Do I even have to mention the “Hair Whiz” haircutting implement ( a razor blade imbedded between different size combs) or its decades-later descendant- the “Flowbee?” Now, I know people who swear by the Flowbee- you just attach it to your vacuum cleaner, and it sucks your hair to a blade that cuts it all even- while keeping the cut-off hair neatly and cleanly in your vacuum cleaner! Could they make an even more portable version now that you attach to a Dustbuster? What an amazing age we live in… Got one of these great products that used to come out at Christmas that I may have forgotten? Tell me about it- at svengoolie@wciu.com . I’ve still got other commercials we can save for another time- anybody remember the commercials with “Santa’s brother Ralph”?!

Going through the first of the Christmas cards I’ve received today- always nice of you guys to send a holiday greeting to us. (We may do something different to show your cards this year- I’ll let you know here in the blog.) Anyway, this one- from the Sirchers (not from Berwyn) is a take-off on an old standard commercial- the one with a stop-motion Santa riding an electric razors “floating heads” downhill like a sled (man, that commercial was on when I was a tiny little Goolie kid!) The card has the title- “Holiday commercials we’d like to see: Santa sits on the wrong end of the razor.” There’s a drawing of Santa with a horrid grimace on his face as he rides on the rotating shaver head! (Cue the “ow!ow!OW!” sound effect!) It’s a shame we don’t have the plethora of bad Christmas gift commercials that we used to…this time of year, we’d be inundated with the Ronco, Popiel, K-Tel Records, etc, suggestions for “the IDEAL Christmas gift!” (We even did a song parody called “the Ronco-Osco-K-tel K-Mart Blues!”) The leader of the pack was always the “Mr. Microphone”- say it with me- “hey , Good Looking, I’ll be back to pick you up later!” It started with some bad 70s gigolo confiding to a friend “hey, this party is getting pretty dull- let’s liven it up with- ‘Mr. Microphone!’” His equally-moronic pal speaks into the device- and his voice is heard over the radio! “Hey- I’m on the radio! I love it!” Indeed. The biggest step was a few years later when Mr. Microphone made a play for world unity by trying to appeal to the Hispanic community, having a young man declare “Senor Microphono es Numero Uno!” Other top gifts were the “in-the-shell” egg scrambler- a unique torture device which stuck some sort of needle into an egg, which then rotated and whipped its innards into a ready- to-cook mélange of semi-scrambled egg. This was slightly less handy than the ever popular Glass Froster. Wouldn’t you rather enjoy your favorite beverage in a nice frosty mug? Sure you would. That’s why you needed the Glass Froster- which emitted a quick blast of sub-zero gas that frosted your mug (and only your mug, if you were lucky)-so you could fill it to the brim with NO ICE NECESSARY to dilute your beverage. Of course, this was later adapted as Mr. Freeze’s weapon in “Batman and Robin”- wasn’t it? Okay, I’m having too much fun with this one- let’s continue with this in tomorrow’s blog. And may I just say that a Svengoolie t-shirt makes “the IDEAL Christmas gift?” But- you already knew that.

Okay, I’ve got a “beef”, if you will –(and not an Italian beef- although I’d love one right now, with the hot peppers on the side.) Since a lot of blogs are nothing BUT complaints, maybe I’m just finally getting with the program. Anyway, on to the complaint- had to find directions to someone’s house- and consulted one of those on-line direction services-I won’t mention which one (although it rhymes with “Nap-Crest.”) Typed in the starting location, then the final destination- and got the step-by-step info, along with the map, and printed it out. Something seemed strange about part of it, but, not knowing if a certain road in that area went completely through, I didn’t think too much of it. So- I hit the road for my journey. I’m driving along a main route- and the directions say to pull onto a cross street-which I do. They tell me to turn right on a side street-which I do. They instruct me to pull onto a dead end street- then make a “U-turn” (not affiliated with this station)-and continue back the way I came-BRINGING ME RIGHT BACK TO WHERE I WAS and continuing in the same direction I was going! So-in effect- the fine website was just screwing around with me, having me go off-route, only to return to exactly where I was! Purposely wasting my time and gas! It’s like the Monty Python “cheese shop” bit- “yes, sir, we actually have NO cheese in this cheese shop-I was purposely just wasting your time!” I’m keeping the printed-out copy of the directions as proof that this helpful navigation site likes to mess around with its users, and to remind YOU, my dear viewers and readers, to double-check any instructions you may get. It’s enough to send you back to those good old glove compartment highway maps that you could never refold the correct way after you unfolded them. I’ve still got one I use, but just to let you know how old it is, it has a “Kroch’s and Brentano’s” label on it…that being a Chicago bookstore chain that hasn’t been around in a long time. It does make navigation fun- you find lots of roads, expressways, even towns, in real life, that don’t exist on the old map. It’s always an a