10/24/2006

With Halloween just a week away- perhaps now is the time to help you out with the techniques of –monster avoidance! Yes, We all know that all the greatest monsters will be coming for you on Halloween- so, how do you protect yourself? How else, but- with knowledge? Before that grisly ghoul attacks, know how to keep him away, or exterminate him…like a sort of supernatural Orkin Man. Let’s begin with vampires- you’ve got your crosses and garlic, of course- so, if you’ve just attended a church spaghetti dinner, you’re safe. Also, vampires supposedly cannot cross running water- so, when in doubt- over-flow that toilet! There’s also the stake through the heart- if I were SAYING this stuff, I’d say, “if you don’t have a steak, use a handful of Hamburger Helper!” (Perhaps it’s a good thing this is in print.) Now, werewolves can easily be defeated by a silver bullet –so, stock up on that beer they call the “Silver Bullet!”(Actually, enough beer will pretty much make anybody easy to defeat- so, please drink responsibly!) You can also cover everything with the plant wolfsbane- which the wolvies can’t stand. They also don’t like Brittney Spear’s perfume much. Zombies? Well, since they’re already dead, the only way to stop them is to burn them. To burn them, hide their suntan lotion, or just coat them with baby oil. There’s also a rumor that cutting off their heads will stop them- but, that’d stop a normal person as well. How can you tell if it’s really a zombie, or just another follower of Oprah? Please- leave this to the professionals…

Let’s make our “Countdown to Halloween” movie choice one left to the professionals- the beloved “Ghostbusters!” A great comedy-horror film, Bill Murray, Dan Ackroyd, and Harold Ramis form the company that promises to end paranormal problems- but they never thought they’d end up facing “end-of-the –world stuff!” Lots of fun special effects, fun characters, and the biggest marshmallow man since Rush Limbaugh…the psuedo-scientific equipment and the various other-worldly creatures are the best, and Sigourney Weaver has never looked better than when she was Zuul. Supposedly on the set, Dan Ackroyd referred to the green ghost who later became known as “Slimer”- as the ghost of John Belushi, who was supposed to originally play the part of Peter Venkman. When there’s something strange in your neighborhood-this 1984 movie is the one you’re gonna call! Who ya gonna call tomorrow for more blogging? You know who… see you right here! # # #